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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote BeltFed Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/19/2020 at 07:18
Originally posted by Kickboxer Kickboxer wrote:

Who needs a machine gun shoot anyway???

They closed my CHURCH... reopen unknown...






 


I do!
I need parts, ammo, knowledge, and fellowship.
Life's concerns should be about the 120lb pack your trying to get to the top of the mountain, and not the rock in your boot.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DPI Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/19/2020 at 07:38
Over the pond, we prefer a freshly shot squirrel. Nothing feels better on your butt. Warm, furry and does not wriggle too much.

Although I offer this as education:

Gargantua and Pantagruel is a book that has to be read to be believed. Written in the 16th century by a French monk, it still somehow manages to be cruder than an entire season of South Park. Ostensibly the tale of two giants and their misadventures in a grotesque version of Europe, it’s also famous for its long passages giving advice on everything from managing debt to foretelling the future. But the passage everyone remembers is the one about the goose.

In Chapter 13 of the first book, the characters take time out to discuss the best method for wiping oneself without toilet paper. After a long and heated debate on the merits of using everything from old hats to attorney’s bags to a spare slipper, they finally settle on the feathers of a goose. But they don’t mean any old feathers; they specifically mean the feathers of a goose’s neck. And for best results, they should still be attached to the goose. According to the book:

“But, to conclude, I say and maintain, that of all torcheculs, arsewisps, bumfodders, tail-napkins, bunghole cleansers, and wipe-breeches, there is none in the world comparable to the neck of a goose, that is well downed, if you hold her head betwixt your legs. And believe me therein upon mine honour, for you will thereby feel in your nockhole a most wonderful pleasure, both in regard of the softness of the said down and of the temporate heat of the goose, which is easily communicated to the bum-gut and the rest the inwards, in so far as to come even to the regions of the heart and brains.”

Quite why Rabelais settled on a goose has long been a matter for critical debate. Some have seen the whole discussion as emblematic of the “new era” of the Renaissance, when old certainties were washed away and the purpose of everything had to be rediscovered afresh. Others think it’s simply the perfect way to crown a diabolically funny scene. One thing’s for sure: Next time you get caught short in the woods, you’ll know to keep an eye out for any wandering geese.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Dogger Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/19/2020 at 08:39
Sounds good Don except I’m allergic to feathers.
God save the Empire!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote BeltFed Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/19/2020 at 08:48
I'd like to know how they got toilet paper in the 16th century.
Life's concerns should be about the 120lb pack your trying to get to the top of the mountain, and not the rock in your boot.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Sgt. D Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/19/2020 at 09:08
Rice parchment!! Not so user friendly!!
 
Take care of Soldiers, Show em how its done and do it with em, Run to the Fight & and hold your ground! I die my men go home! If you're a NCO and this ain't you. GET OUT! GOD BLESS AMERICA!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DPI Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/19/2020 at 09:30
Allergic to Feathers you say! Well its back to the squirrel option then.

In the UK Military back in the 70's. The on issue toilet paper in all the office, wash areas and accommodation toilets was made by a company called IZAL.

Now this stuff was of the same consistency as tinfoil; thin, smooth, waterproof and if you got an unexpected fold or corner in it, very, very sharp. For its intended purpose, nothing could have been more poorly designed. That was not the most weird part about it. Every sheet, I mean every sheet had the words 'Government Property' printed on it.

I mean who would have been desperate enough to steal it? If they did, what where they using it for?

Believe me it was not something you would use by choice.

We figured it was possibly a pre-selection for the SAS, anyone who was hard enough to use this stuff was an automatic candidate.


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Kickboxer Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/19/2020 at 09:31
Originally posted by BeltFed BeltFed wrote:

Originally posted by Kickboxer Kickboxer wrote:

Who needs a machine gun shoot anyway???

They closed my CHURCH... reopen unknown...






 


I do!
I need parts, ammo, knowledge, and fellowship.
I was kidding... any decent human needs to go to a machine gun shoot... shutting it down is sacrilegious.  However, sometimes we must be protected from our better selves...
Opinion,untempered by fact,is ignorance.

There are some who do not fear death... for they are more afraid of not really living
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Sgt. D Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/19/2020 at 09:53

When from our better selves we have too long been parted by the hurrying world, and droop. Sick of its business, of its pleasures tired, how gracious, how benign is solitude.

William Wordsworth



Edited by Sgt. D - March/19/2020 at 09:58
Take care of Soldiers, Show em how its done and do it with em, Run to the Fight & and hold your ground! I die my men go home! If you're a NCO and this ain't you. GET OUT! GOD BLESS AMERICA!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote BeltFed Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/19/2020 at 10:50
Originally posted by Kickboxer Kickboxer wrote:

Originally posted by BeltFed BeltFed wrote:

Originally posted by Kickboxer Kickboxer wrote:

Who needs a machine gun shoot anyway???

They closed my CHURCH... reopen unknown...






 


I do!
I need parts, ammo, knowledge, and fellowship.
I was kidding... any decent human needs to go to a machine gun shoot... shutting it down is sacrilegious.  However, sometimes we must be protected from our better selves...
















I know that now.
I was just having a moment in all the hysteria.
Life's concerns should be about the 120lb pack your trying to get to the top of the mountain, and not the rock in your boot.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Son of Ed Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/19/2020 at 14:30
I bought 2# of hamburger!!   
Visit the Ed Show
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Kickboxer Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/19/2020 at 16:42
Originally posted by Son of Ed Son of Ed wrote:

I bought 2# of hamburger!!   

Be sure and check for e coli....
Opinion,untempered by fact,is ignorance.

There are some who do not fear death... for they are more afraid of not really living
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote tahqua Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/19/2020 at 16:56
Doug
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DPI Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/20/2020 at 01:22
Don't Panic! The Brits have come up with an answer to the problem.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote BeltFed Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/20/2020 at 07:01
It's all fun and games until someone goes a week without toilet paper.
Life's concerns should be about the 120lb pack your trying to get to the top of the mountain, and not the rock in your boot.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DPI Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/20/2020 at 07:10
Been there, bought the T-shirt.
Lived 20 years in the middle east, quite often toilet paper was not available.

Ever tried a middle eastern toilet. It's psychology scarring. You're never the same again.

I think my PTSD is kicking in again now.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote tahqua Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/20/2020 at 10:18
Never been to the middle east but toilets in China are not good for the soul...............and always keep tissue in the pocket.
Doug
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Son of Ed Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/20/2020 at 11:12
Image result for ralph richardson dr zhivago

I'm watching Doctor Zhivago.....Yuri just came home from the war and discovered 13 families living in their big mansion in Moscow.....the Bolsheviks....and Ralph Richardson is about " to ignite the last half of the last cigar in Moscow! "  


Sounds like today's news.....






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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Son of Ed Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/20/2020 at 11:13
....no mention of any toilet paper.....
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote budperm Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/20/2020 at 11:26
Originally posted by Dogger Dogger wrote:

Sounds good Don except I’m allergic to feathers.


I don't  see why your worried Craig, just use the usual snow collected from under the hard top crust.  Better cooling and soothing than menthol wipes....
"Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading".
--Thomas Jefferson



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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DPI Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/20/2020 at 11:46
I suppose the old adage of 'Don't eat Yellow snow' would need to be modified to include brown snow?
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